Fantasy — The Modern Raconteur

The Cat Who Came to Call The city had prepared for earthquakes, invasion, and economic downturn. Nobody had budgeted for yarn.

The Tailored Future The future was supposed to make us more efficient. It neglected to mention the tailoring.

Entrance Requirements Some creatures evolve for survival. Others apparently evolve for entrances.

The Matter of Rescue The forest had very clear rules about who was supposed to rescue whom. She had not read them.

Three Tuesdays After Civilization had ended three Tuesdays ago. They were already tired of hearing about it.

Rarely Ceremonial Every empire eventually discovers that ornate ceremonial staffs are rarely ceremonial.

First Contact, With Snacks First contact went considerably better once someone remembered snacks.

The Last Redesign She had survived the collapse, the reconstruction, and three separate user-interface redesigns. The last was the worst.

Thursday's Invitation She had been waiting there for three centuries and was beginning to suspect the invitation said Thursday.

Adverse Peer Review The glasses suggested scholarship. The fire suggested peer review had gone badly.

A Fashionable Sidearm There are places where a sidearm is considered unfashionable. This was not one of them.

Indoors, Preferably The sea glowed blue at night. Sensible people admired it from indoors.

The Realistic Woman She had outlived two kingdoms, six prophecies, and every man who told her to be realistic.

Competent Opposition The arena promised glory, gold, and immortality. She would have settled for competent opposition.

Weather and Small Talk The apocalypse had improved neither the weather nor the quality of small talk.

When the Weather Took Sides Neither remembered who started the argument. By then the weather had taken sides.

Warranty Voided The upgrade came with enhanced vision, reinforced joints, and a warranty she had already voided.

Moderation Was Not Included Hell, she discovered, had excellent central heating and absolutely no concept of moderation.

Taxonomy at Close Range It was technically a unicorn. No one with sense argued the taxonomy at close range.

The Four-Hundredth Festival Immortality sounded romantic until one had to attend the same midsummer festival for the four hundredth time.

Terms and Conditions She trusted the horse completely. The horse, being mechanical, had read the terms and conditions.

Repairs and Relationships She could repair an arm, a reactor, or a relationship. The first two were easier.

Eighty Years Abandoned The station had been abandoned for eighty years. Her access badge still worked, which was somehow more concerning.

The Unspoiled Beach The brochure had promised an unspoiled beach. Technically, it had delivered.

The Impassable Road He had been told the old road was impassable. This was mostly a comment on human anatomy.

Happy Hour at the End of the World Civilization was complicated. Happy hour remained admirably straightforward.

Forgiving About Laser Burns Black armor was traditional, flattering, and remarkably forgiving about laser burns.

Conversation Discouraged She carried enough weaponry to discourage conversation and enough confidence to make it unnecessary.

The Night Shift Promotion Her first day on the night shift began with a reactor alarm and ended with a promotion.

Administrative Allegations They had both been asked to leave several jurisdictions. The dog maintained the allegations were administrative.

Someone Read the Map A reliable crew requires three things: nerve, loyalty, and someone who actually read the map.

Before Breakfast The eyepiece could identify seventeen thousand mechanical failures. It still could not detect bad ideas before breakfast.

The Useful Queen Queens are rarely born looking like queens. The useful ones learn the posture early.

The Captain's Code The captain’s code was simple: take only what you need, tip the tavern staff, and never trust a calm sea.

Proper Upholstery It was not the fastest machine in the wasteland. It was, however, the only one with proper upholstery.

Open Kitchen The restaurant had recently adopted an open-kitchen concept. The health department remained unconvinced.

Dormant, Disputed The tablet claimed the ruins were dormant. The ruins appeared to have a different understanding of dormant.

Quality Control He handled negotiations. The dog handled quality control.

Other Arrangements Public transit had become unreliable, so she made other arrangements.

Specialized Furniture The revolution had excellent slogans, terrible catering, and a troubling enthusiasm for specialized furniture.

Three Kinds of Future She sold charms, maps, and three kinds of future. Refunds were not part of the magic.

It Had a Trigger She had been told not to touch the ancient weapon. In her defense, it had a trigger.

Mostly Strategy He claimed the game was mostly strategy. The others suspected the cards were marked.

Three Ports The gull had been following her for three ports. At this point, it was either fate or unpaid catering.

One More Mutiny She had a ship, a crew, and precisely enough patience for one more mutiny.

Repairable The machine had been dead for a century. She disliked being told what could not be repaired.

Eleven-Thirty At midnight the spell would end. She intended to be home by eleven-thirty.

One Law, Two Saloons The town had one law, two saloons, and no compelling reason to stay after sunset.

The Sea Did Not Sleep The old cities slept behind her. The sea, inconveniently, did not.

The Old Stories Had Not Met Them The old stories called it impossible. The old stories had clearly never met them.

Unexpected Bamboo Cravings The transformation spell had gone almost perfectly. The bamboo cravings were unexpected.

Impossible Requests The mice handled logistics. She handled impossible requests.

Bracing, Allegedly The voyage north had been described as bracing. This was a lie told by people with fireplaces.

The Mirror's Definition of Now The mirror never lied. It merely had a more expansive definition of now.

Separate Upgrade Field medicine had improved dramatically. Bedside manner remained a separate upgrade.

Who Packed the Map They had crossed three seas, buried two grudges, and agreed never to discuss who had packed the map.

Recognition by Posture At a masquerade, anonymity is mostly a matter of etiquette. Recognition is a matter of posture.

Routine Patrol The official report described a routine patrol. Neither of them remembered anything routine about it.